I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
