i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
