well you can't waste a boner
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
