I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
