mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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