she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
