I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
