just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
