Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize