Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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