u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
