Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
