Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
