Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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