After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
