Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I puked a lego.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
