You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
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