What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Semen is not good for contacts.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
