well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
