would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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