I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
