Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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