theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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