ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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