I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.