She's JV to your varsity
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.