I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit