Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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