she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize