he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
His nipple licking is glorious
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