I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
zippers are such a cool invention
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
