she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
