Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
