Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
