Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
