Define "chronic" masturbator.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
