Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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