you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
