my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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