I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
