The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
