I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
