Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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