you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
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Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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