When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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