Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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