I need help removing her.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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