Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
