Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
