roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
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