i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wish i was in the wii world.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
