sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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