I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I am naked and annoyed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
