i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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