One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm experimenting with sincerity
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
