Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize