I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
