is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
